Still Here, Getting By

It has been a long, long while.

Well, just a month, really, but in the age of the internet one month is a very long time. The events mentioned in my last blog stumped me.I was angry and disgusted and ashamed and dismayed. I felt I had to say something. I was after all, a Maguindanaon and what happened felt like an onslaught to my personal identity. Yet I didn't write because I wasn't sure enough that I will not write anything that might compromise my own safety or that of my family. I was reminded why my father didn't want me to be writer or a journalist.

So a month has passed. Whatever emotions I had back then has come and gone away. Its about time I returned to my normal life. Whatever definition of "normal" in my life may have.

Fixing my life is one of those things I always think about, planning the specific steps that I need to do, but never really get to doing. It's like a promise to myself that I keep on breaking. Or not really break, but kept on delaying, postponing, procrastinating. I am still waiting for the day or night when I wake up from a long and restful sleep, feeling refreshed and inspired to do wonderful things in my life.

I know that is only a remote possibility, since I barely sleep 4 hours a day, between 11pm and 3am or so. My days ends every night being worried that I don't have enough time to sleep before I have to get up again, feeling angry at myself for wasting my time on useless things and with foreboding certainty that I will be sleepy during the next day's shift.

My regular day begins with me waking up, pleasantly surprised that I didnt oversleep completely ignoring the alarm on my on my cp which could have disastrous consequences. This happened frequently enough in the past to merit a warning for me and the utter dismay of my supervisor.

I set my alarm at 3am, which is actually closer to 2.30 since I set my clocks a little early but I don't know by how much. If I knew the exact time then I wouldnt hurry and that will cause me to be tardy. I know, I learned from experience.

Work begins at 4. My first break comes an hour and a half later. And then begins the stretch of time between my first break that is regularly punctuated by a cup of coffee and/or a yosi break. I bring my own box of Nescafe 3-in-1 sachets, in Lingzhi or Hazelnuts variants,since I often find the free coffee in the coffee machine less than agreeable in taste and substance. My officemates often find my coffee aromatic and i tend to agree with them.

My lunch time is seldom spent on eating. I usually take 30-minute naps during my lunch break. I only eat at this hour when I feel the hunger to be more urgent than my desire to sleep, which happens very rarely. Sleep, or the lack of it, can be very overpowering.

One hour after my lunch break ends I have my last 15-minute break. It is only short wait, made shorter by a second cup of coffee which i usually have immediately after my nap.

Then the final two hours of the shift. There are less calls during this time and people on the floor usually chat or share jokes with each other, often loudly and quite irritatingly to those still taking calls. The highlight of the day of course is Log-out time.

It is really not a terrible job. There is no pressure, the stats are easy to attain and the people are nice. The callers are usually nice, too. I guess they have to be because we have the final say on whether they will be able to use their credit card or not. And that is VERY IMPORTANT.

to be continued...